Reflections

In light of the last couple weeks, I have been doing some reflecting. Reflecting on my life and my journey and most importantly my relationship with God.
Living in New York City is nothing like living anywhere else in the world, and I am completely convinced that the cliche "If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere" is completely true. It isn't an easy place to live. Your schedule is completely crazy, and travel time is not only twice as long, but twice as awful as normal cities. Parties start after 8pm, showing up before 9 is bad form, and showing up after midnight is completely acceptable. As you walk through the streets, especially in Manhattan, you can see that you are completely surrounded by people, yet you can feel so alone. This city is exhausting and clinging to some type of stability here is intoxicating. Something to keep you grounded, keep you from being lonely. It comes out in different ways for different people. Some throw themselves into the social scene drowning themselves in interactions to keep from having to think about the loneliness. Others delve completely into their art, pretending that the loneliness fuels them. And then there are those who direct all their attention into a relationship, hoping to fill in the gaps in a more simple and intimate way.

I have been faced with a lot of new experiences and knowledge since arriving in this city. Things that have changed me and that continues to shape the woman I am becoming in my relationship with Jesus and my life as a Christian. Things that challenge me, and push me, and make me wonder how much of what I think I knew came from my own intellectual examinations, and what I let get put in me through sources I never thought to question.

For those of you starting to worry about my salvation, don't. Through everything one thing has remained constant: my complete faith that Jesus is my Savior, that he died for my sins, and that His free gift of Grace is in my life. The complete confidence I have in that comforts me.

So maybe I seem to be in two places during this post, so allow me to tie them together, and explain why I am even sharing this today. I am on a journey. A journey that won't be done anytime soon, and will probably last my whole life. I believe that the loneliness of this city can be cured, and I believe that Jesus is the cure. I know that sounds cheesy, but I'm OK with that. I think there is a missing piece to this puzzle of Jesus, and I am determined to try to figure it out. And I know that I am in a community here at Forefront (both in Manhattan and Brooklyn) that is on the same journey. A journey to discover how the Church can truly know God's love and show it to others. How can my life be aimed toward showing the true love of Jesus? How can I even know what the true love of Jesus looks like?  I may be facing many questions about what being a Christian means, and what showing Jesus' love looks like, but the one thing I do know is that once we accept Jesus as Savior, we are free. And I believe that in that freedom, Jesus wants us to be able to search for our own answers.

New York is an amazing city and when you let yourself be a part of it, instead of trying to grasp onto what life was before, it will change you. And it may be a scary change, and it may feel uncomfortable, but I believe it can change you For Good.